hello up there
i'm finding that the hardest thing about having a mental illness is that i cannot always trust my own thoughts. this is totally frustrating for me as i count on being a quick thinker.
what usually happens is this - i find myself thinking something out there. something like "it is inevitable that most people with bipolar will die by suicide." that's my future, i think, what a relief to have figured this out. instead of recognizing this as some kind of crazy thinking, i think "wow, i wonder why i didn't think of that before?" each crazy thought is brand new to me, and i never think to question them because, of course, this thought has to be correct 'cos there it is in my head, right?
i'm so happy i tell the doctor my latest insight and she says that not only am i wrong in thinking this (some bipolar people will attempt, for many it is a very treatable condition) but also it might be too soon to reduce one of my medications.
to her, these kinds of thoughts are the result of a chemical imbalance. to me, they are sudden brainwaves!
what usually happens is this - i find myself thinking something out there. something like "it is inevitable that most people with bipolar will die by suicide." that's my future, i think, what a relief to have figured this out. instead of recognizing this as some kind of crazy thinking, i think "wow, i wonder why i didn't think of that before?" each crazy thought is brand new to me, and i never think to question them because, of course, this thought has to be correct 'cos there it is in my head, right?
i'm so happy i tell the doctor my latest insight and she says that not only am i wrong in thinking this (some bipolar people will attempt, for many it is a very treatable condition) but also it might be too soon to reduce one of my medications.
to her, these kinds of thoughts are the result of a chemical imbalance. to me, they are sudden brainwaves!
1 Comments:
catherine, i know exactly what you mean. for me it's migraines, but same concept: i have a migraine, i need medicine, there is medicine at the drugstore, mo is sleeping, mo likes to sleep, i should get into my car and drive to the drugstore to get my meds. (for instance.) seems great, completely logical, til i'm leaning over the garbage can outside shoppers doing the big spit.... or weaving around the road on the way home.
the moral of the story: logic is treacherous! and that's why you need your website, the one with the "why suicide is not a good idea" checklist. that'll put you into a logical conundrum.
and: i like that doc of yours.
xoxo
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home