goldfish update

it's hard to know what to write. august felt like a train wreck. it was a slow-motion, i know what's happening but haven't a clue on how to stop it, train wreck. i knew i needed help but i couldn't seem to find it. the camh referral was 10 weeks away. the therapist my doctor recommended wouldn't take me without health insurance. all the shrinks i called weren't taking new patients, and couldn't recommend anyone who *was* taking new patients. what do i do? i asked my doctor. where do i go? just go to the ER, he said, they will know what to do.

and you know what? he was right. i showed up at the ER, alone, frightened and desperate. i was admitted for a few days in order to get me safely through the worst of my crisis and even in the short-stay psych unit there is an attitude of patient empowerment. i was pretty impressed, and although i didn't know the answer, the staff were always asking "what can we do to help you get better?"

for now i have stopped fighting my diagnosis - bipolar - although it seems strange to be diagnosed at 42. mind you, i saw a psychiatrist in my second year of university (18 years old) and he also told me i was manic-depressive but once again i thought i knew better. how different things might have been if i had dealt with it then.