what a handsome window box! that would be lavender in the middle, and it smells lovely.

it's been a long and difficult week and i am humbled by how sneaky my depression is, coming up with new variations on the same old themes. trickiest is how easily i am convinced that i have always, and will always feel just as lonely as i am at this exact moment. it is exhausting and some nights i would give anything to make it stop. but i refuse to give up.

i am trying to get out of some of my crazy circles. for instance, when i wonder why i'm lonely i tell myself that it's because i'm clearly not worth being friends with, which leads me to stay in, isolating myself even further... and so the circle goes... i never get out to meet anyone new who might become a friend. see how it is self-fulfilling? next week i'm going job hunting, going to fill up a few more hours in the week between psych and therapy appointments. maybe there will be some fun people at my new job? i'm going to try get a job in one of the bookstores in town, or maybe a coffee shop... i'll keep ya posted.

p.s. new date for my driving test: it's in one month. wish me luck!