"I decided that we were going to make the best snowman in the entire park, and I believe we succeeded. Except that it wasn’t a snowman in the end, but a snowwoman. We gave her spikey hair made from twigs and breasts with acorn tops as nipples. I was particularly proud of her breasts, one of which was slightly larger than the other, like with non-snow women."

Run, don't walk, to oblivio.com and enjoy the viciously funny writings of Michael Barrish. I'm dumping secret boyfriend number one (Derek Jeter) for this guy. Sorry, Derek.