i'm finding that the hardest thing about having a mental illness is that i cannot always trust my own thoughts. this is totally frustrating for me as i count on being a quick thinker.
what usually happens is this - i find myself thinking something out there. something like "it is inevitable that most people with bipolar will die by suicide." that's my future, i think, what a relief to have figured this out. instead of recognizing this as some kind of crazy thinking, i think "wow, i wonder why i didn't think of that before?" each crazy thought is brand new to me, and i never think to question them because, of course, this thought has to be correct 'cos there it is in my head, right?
i'm so happy i tell the doctor my latest insight and she says that not only am i wrong in thinking this (some bipolar people will attempt, for many it is a very treatable condition) but also it might be too soon to reduce one of my medications.
to her, these kinds of thoughts are the result of a chemical imbalance. to me, they are sudden brainwaves!
Labels: bipolar, thinking